So Friday night we snuck into an MTV party. That's Music Television for those of you who don't know. A big deal. And now I have a new raison d'etre. I don't want to be Famous. I want to be Canadian Famous. Here is the story.

Part I - Breaking into the MTV Party

Adam Breker, Alison Forbes and I are out with assorted individuals on Friday because, as C95 has told us numerous times, we have Juno-Fever. Devin Dubois even went out and got a Juno-cut in preparation for the night. Unfortunately in his attempts to quench his 'Juno Fever' he would become Juno-Intoxicated and have to go home early.

Anyway Alison has a hot Juno-Tip; MTV party at Walker's NightClub. So we're off. We arrive, there is a line up with a LIST. And they are turning people away who are not on the LIST. Damn. But I have never let a LIST stop me yet, so we get in line. When we arrive at the front there is a 20 year old intern running the LIST. She looks confused, the responsibility of manning the LIST has bewildered her. I can see it is a long LIST, but that is all I can see, as she is very cannily keeping the LIST close to her chest so individuals with glasses such as myself cannot peer over and steal a name. Which of course was our only shot.

And the game begins: "Are you with MTV?" she asks. I confidently say "Yes, my name is Graham Lang and I am with MTV." I wish I had said Music Television, but I didn't. She looks at the list. "Hmmmm... you're not on the list." I say "Are you sure? Check again." I am hoping for a Juno-miracle. Like maybe there is somebody named Graham Lang on the list. Or maybe Nelly Furtado will show up and think we are cool. Which would be a mistake. Because we are not very cool.

"No, you're not on the list. What did you say your name was again?" I, again, say "Graham Lang. I am with MTV." She looks down again under the L's and the G' and again "No, you are not on the list". She looks at me one more time "You're name again?" Third time she has asked for my name. Remember that. It comes into the story later. I answer, trying to put some 'big deal' into my voice "Graham. Graham Lang." I should have put a 'the' in from of Graham Lang. Hindsight. It's 20/20.

After confirming again that I am not on the LIST she turns to Adam "What's your name?" And we go through the same charade. I am trying to look indignant. Finally the intern's boss comes over. She is 24 which is Senior Staff at MTV. I like this girl because she is obviously exasperated with her intern who can't manage the list. The Senior Staffer says "Hi guys. What's the problem?" I say "We're not on the list" Which is the only honest thing I have said since I got in the line. "Oh. Are you with MTV or CTV?" She emphasizes the 'M' and 'C' respectively and I take full advantage "Ohhhh!" I say "Of course. Silly me. We are with CTV." I too emphasize the C. The intern looks relieved that we have found the source of the problem. "Sorry she says. What was your name again?" I say without blinking "Jeff Rogstadd" and she clicks us off on the list and we move in [Ed Note: For those not from Saskatchewan Jeff is the local Weather Guy at CTV. I do not know him, though I saw him funnel 2 full beers at a house party once.]

Part II - I Want to Be Canadian Famous

So now we are in the Music Television party. I sort of expected it to be really 'cool'. I'm not sure what I was expecting. Maybe skateboard ramps or cool looking dancers. I wasn't expecting to see shopping carts seemingly put at random throughout the room. But I suppose it was OK decor-wise, sort of dark with candles around. Again I'm not very cool. They had a bar, so that was good enough for me. Though drink were $5. MTV Canada is probably hurting for money. Or they spent it all buying shopping carts. Whichever.

Anyway, apparently there were many celebrities there, and Adam started pointing them out to me. Like Giom Gomeshie, the front man for Moxy Fruvos. Who apparently is still alive. Or Tom Swick, who was up for a Juno. And a girl Adam swore was from Corner Gas, so I took his word for it. And some of the dudes from Trooper who, from the blank looks on their faces, appeared to be there for a long time, not a good time. The funny thing is I didn't recognize anyboy (Except the Canadian Idol guy from Hedley and Zac the Canadian Idol Judge). And that, my friends, is the beauty of being Canadian Famous. Nobody knows who the hell you are.

Being famous only in Canada is like being the check-out girl at the local Safeway and running into a long time customer at the movie theater. The customer looks at the check-out girl and thinks 'I know her from somewhere' and the check-out girl thinks 'I know him from somewhere' and there is an akward glance and maybe somebody goes to wave but catches himself/herself half way up and thinks 'oh. Safeway. That's right.' The beauty of being Canadian Famous is that people feel like they know you from somewhere, like you he was your brother's good friend, or you once got really drunk together and talked about how much respect you had for your mother's, and then forgot all about it upon sobering up. It's a nice warm feeling. It's like the time I ran into Mr Lehey of the Trailer Park Boys in Halifax. I made eye contact and thought "I know that guy from somewhere" and we had a 10 minute conversation before we both realized we didn't know each other. Really.

The party at MTV was full of people, and they all recognized each other, because they all go to these parties all the time. But an outsider, even a young gentleman such as I who has wasted much of his life watching Moses Zamfier's original idea MuchMusic, couldn't pick 1 out of 10 people out of the crowd. Which was fine by me. I was just there for the booze anyway.

So when people say "do you want to be famous?" I'll say "yeah. But just Trooper-Famous, because any more famous and it's a hassle." Except I wouldn't still be touring on me 5 hit songs from 1983. At least I hope I wouldn't. Actually, who am I kidding. I'd be touring.