Dear New Students,

Congratulations. You got into Law School. Way to go. You must be a genius. Your parents must be proud, you really made smoething of yourself blah blah blah blah. Here are 10 tips from a recent graduate (me) who wants you to succeed at law school, but wants you to do so in such a way so as not to be annoying. The last thing the second and third years in your school need is for the first year class to turn into a bunch of study-holic keeners who think that the amount of time they spend in the library is directly proportional to their final grades. It really brings everybody down. So here are some tips to help you navigate the waters of first year without causing me to grate my teeth:

1. Drop the attitude. So you got into law school - big deal. So did I. And my IQ is really quite average. As are my looks. Your attitude annoys me, let it go and we’ll go get a beer.

2. Your plan to study really hard and do all your readings will fail. Come to terms with that now and figure out a smarter way to study than slavishly reading tomes of material. you just don’t have the time for it. Someone far smarter that you or I has already done the reading and made up condensed notes for us, handily available on the LSA webpage. Don’t think that somehow, against all odds, you will get something out of a 200 year old case that everybody in the intervening centuries has missed. If you do think that, your arrogance is a towering spectacle that, while truly breathtaking, is also very, very annoying. Let it go, read the notes and come out for a beer.

3. Your misconception that you are somehow smarter than anybody else here is exactly that: a misconception. See tip Number 1. You are now in a place where everybody is at least as smart as you, so celebrate other’s success, support those who are falling behind, and help each other through the year instead of turning on each other and I think you will find the whole ordeal much less stressful, a little more entertaining, and you might have some friends at the end of it. Maybe even me, who would be more than happy to go out for a beer with you at any time.

4. Save your brilliant theories on the law for your Masters. Or at least 2nd year. You don’t know anything in first year. And there is nothing more annoying than a 1st year who thinks they know something. Let it go, read the notes, and come out for a beer.

5. The mantra you are playing over and over in your head, “I am not here to make friends, I am here to learn. I am not here to make friends, I am here to learn” is garbage, and if followed will lead to a very lonely existence. I believe it was Oscar Wilde who said “No matter where you go, there you are” - trying to change yourself to suit law school will fail. You need to change law school to suit yourself.

6. The amount of work you put in now at law school will be reflected in your work-life post-law school. If you do not balance your life now, you will be doomed to grinding out contracts 12 hours a day, 7 days a week for the rest of your life. If you want to do that, then go for it. But if you don’t, join a sports team, or better yet, pick up the phone and invite me out for a beer. Because I’ll go. And give you many tips on how to get through this vale of tears called law school.

7. When writing your first paper you are going to try and write it like you think a lawyer would. You will try to use big words, and write like they talk on Law and Order. And you will end up with a C+. There are no lawyers, only people. Write like you would normally write, try to explain things in a simple way, and remember, the ANSWER IS IN YOUR TEXTBOOK. You don't know anything. Really. I know you've seen lots of episodes of Law and Order and you can TOTALLY call the killer every time (see tip no. 9), but still, you don't know anything. Defer to the textbook, don't try to come up with a wicked new theory, it's just annoying.

8. Law and Order is garbage. Forget everything that you ever saw, heard, or were told about that show. Those lawyers would either be disbarred or, at the very least, fired for incompetence after the pilot episode. Really.

9. Go to all your classes. They tell you all the answers for the finals there. It’s kind of like cheating, except before the exam.

10. I end my advice with this hard fact: You don’t believe me. You think I’m a slacker who couldn’t possibly understand your drive and ambition to be the best. Fine, I hear you, I was in first year once myself. But know this: If you choose the work-a-holic, library centered approach to this school you will work way too hard for very little return on your time. So whatever, try the libraru approach first. And when you’ve given up on your ‘shiny new study-licous attitude’ try to figure out how to really get through the law school.

Yours truly, Graham Lang, Articling Student

PS Should you completely disregard this advice, as is your right, and decide to set up camp in the library and never leave, at least have the courtesy to be humble. Do not openly brag about how much time you are spending in the library, as that is the most annoying thing you can do. And should you see somebody in the library who is not normally there, do not come up to him and say “What are you doing here” in a condescending voice, because you will throw your karma all out of whack. And become the most annoying person in the universe.