With all the controversy surrounding the Yorkton murdertrial of accused Kim Walker, the Weakly has decided it is time to look at other controversial Directions given by Judges throughout Canadian history:

J McLachlin - Direction and the Triumph of Freedom

In her seminal court of appeals decision R v Chambers, Ms Mclachlin directed the jury to “sober the hell up and for god’s sake Mr Malone, put some pants on.” Her directions were overturned by a higher court who declared ‘a judge must take their jury as they find them. A ‘party jury’ is just what the Canadian judicial system needs to finally ink that deal with Court TV.’ The jury celebrated with a poolside tequila party at the Motel 8 where the Canadian Government had splurged on 4 rooms for the 12 of them. Mr Malone was quoted while burning his last pair of pants “we’ll drink what we want and wear what we want. That’s why somebody else’s Grandpappy fought in World War Two ”. Truly a triumph for democracy.

Lord Denning - History of Direction

Lord Denning’s famous direction was really the beginning of the practice in Canada: “Ye who sit upon yon jurors bench, the mann betwixt the crone ensconced in farmer’s wool and the gentleman of loose morals; taketh yourself to the shopkeep down on Haverston Row anon and fetch me a sandwich of such proportions as to satisfy my fearful hunger. Something with a spicy mustard. And perhaps some lambs meat. But be swift my young friend, be fleet of foot, for while justice waits for no mann, today the sweet lady will wait for a sandwich. And god help you should you returnth without the spicy mustard. God help you indeed.“

J Bastarache - Direction Overuled by Supreme Court

Known now as an early pioneer of Judge’s Directions, Bastarache pushed the boundaries of jury direction when he paused a trial to tell the triers of fact to “go and see that new Cuba Gooding Junior movie ‘Snow Dogs’; it’s excellent. I love that Cuba”. The Supreme Court quickly overturned the decision: “We wish we could erase the events that occurred; we cannot. We award the jurors $100,000 each for pain and suffering, and further decide that Judges may only direct jurors to see movies if they are rated 3 or more stars by a reputable National Newspaper” In obiter J. Estes stated that the Globe and Mail would most likely not meet this criteria.

J. Major - Judicial Notice

In a case dealing with food poisoning at a German Sausage House, J Major once again expanded the use of Judicial Notice by stating “I would like the record to Notice that the plaintiff is a ‘straight up hottie’. I would also like to Notice that I am taking my lunch in my chambers in 10 minutes and she is invited. I am having a tuna fish sandwich and a banana which I would be happy to split evenly. Finally I would like to Notice that though I have yet to hear any of his evidence, the defendant has no chance at winning this case, mostly due to the only evidence that has been entered, namely the stone-cold hotness right across from me. Meow.” The Supreme Court would eventually accept this use of Judicial Notice, condemning only his use of the word “Meow”, Stating: ”upon the evidence, the plaintiff was not near good looking enough to warrant a meow”.